I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
