You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
