Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
