I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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