I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
