All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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