Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
