I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize