I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he laminated a picture of his dick.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
