You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize