I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
