I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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