sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think a kid would responsible me up
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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