Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
3pm strippers are depressing
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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