He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
