I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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