Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
