The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
