So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize