My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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