11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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