i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
