I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My dick has a subreddit
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
