Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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