just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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