I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize