i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
