i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just had sex on a roof
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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