Can Purell be used as lube?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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