I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
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