homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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