yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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