Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Randomize
