The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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