She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
