A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Who died my cat blue again?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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