His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
