Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
