she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
