i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
