I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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