and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
