He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Your cock deserves a montage
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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