Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's