So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.