yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Dicks are not precious.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm