before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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