I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
