hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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