Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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