If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
