Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
