Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
now i know why i became what i already was.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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