How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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