I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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