I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
