Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
