I want to make a zoo with you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We had sex on a dog bed..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
