i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
