Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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