If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I would fuck him just for his dog
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
