Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
