the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
