It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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