wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
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I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
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Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.