gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
Ketchup is God's man juice
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.