I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard