Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.