you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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